Saturday, January 31, 2015
I have been living in the space between my ears a lot lately. Which as so many would tell you, it is just not a good thing. Hypersensitivity, and self doubt can really mess with you.
It's no doubt that the time we have spent here in Idaho has really rocked our family for the good. Blessings, new passions, rekindled love for God , have all been a part of this journey. But there is always that whisper. You have heard it too. It sometimes comes as white noise, it starts off quiet and all of a sudden you become so fixed on the buzzing that, that is all you hear. The thing that makes you feel like maybe what you have isn't enough, How you live, what you do is not enough, the desire for more is what I am suppose to strive for. And maybe you may never accomplish that because you aren't worthy of it anyway. The cycle continues until you are so blinded by your own thoughts that each day seems mundane.
I've been praying a lot about my attitude, for God to help me soften my heart and see the worth in myself and my life. I've slowly seen the the transformation. The gratitude list growing daily. For someone who takes pride in enjoying simple pleasures it was a big realization to see that although I may enjoy small moments I somehow can easily block them out at the end of the night and just determine "today wasn't very good... that little moment was fun but the rest just stunk" How could I be so quick to dismiss my joy? As if the time it lasted was the only thing to base the true significance of it in my day. "It was only a minute or two", sometimes dismissing whole hours or part of the day merely to prove my point of how bad that day was. How could I do that? Rather, how dare I do that! The Lord will without a doubt brings something in my day that will bring me joy, often I can guarantee that He brings many things throughout the day that make me smile. It's my job to tally those daily blessings up and come up with a total that better represents my day, my life and my journey. Friends I am here to say that most days my math is off. My smiles and laughs well out weigh the bad. I am here to correct my attitude. It won't come all at once but I want to slowly change my nightly talk about the miserable part of the day and really look at those little moments and really rejoice in all that has been given to me and my loved ones.
My little Wolf often comes upstairs in the middle of the night and we are awaken the next morning with he and Bear curled up next to our bed on the floor. Wolf wakes with a full thought and ready for a conversation the moment his eyes open. A few days ago he awoke looked at me with sleepy doe eyes and said "Mama everything is beautiful" it was both a statement and a question. I looked at his sweet inquisitive face. Full on eagerness to love all that is around him and responded "yes baby everything is beautiful" because at that very second it really was.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Oh yes! Nothing like posting a few Christmas photos on the last week of January. From what I remember (you know because it's been so long) we had a wonderful day. Family breakfast, loved ones, a great dinner. We were all blessed with such incredibly thoughtful gifts, some handmade but everything from our whole family was so meticulously picked that we all felt so loved.
We read the Christmas story the whole month of December so by the time Christmas day rolled around the boys were excited to celebrate the birth of Christ It was lovely being able to see them act out and re-tell the story in the most beautifully simple way.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
The older two quickly started running around exploring and for the first time I noticed the eagerness in Hawk's face to do the same. I am not sure if it's because he's so little in size or because he's the baby but I am more tentative to put him down and let him explore. My fear quickly subsides and joy filled my heart at seeing him pick up sticks and mimic his brothers and toss tiny rocks into the water. His smile and giggles said it all he loved every second of it. I was so glad I was able to set aside my apprehension and take in this great moment.